Learning to Let Go

Published in Mahomet Citizen
April 14,2010

One of the hardest things for a parent to do is watch children get older. While we’re excited for them to get past the terrible twos, to potty train or gain certain goals of independence, there is still a place in your heart that knows that stage, that part of their life is something they will never get back.

Our middle daughter celebrated her seventh birthday on April 4. I’m not really one to get emotional as the kids move on to the next age or grade, but this one was hard for me.

When our oldest daughter turned seven two years ago, we allowed her to get her ears pierced. It seemed like a good idea at the time, as seven seemed like the time when she was done being a baby. She was gaining independence and was ready to take on new responsibilities.

In retrospect all of that is true, but seven wasn’t just a time where she got her ears pierced, but is a good marking point between the daughter then and the daughter now. There were several changes in her interests, her ambitions and her social growth. Now, two years later she’s really into how she looks, wanting to spend more time with her friends to just hang out and has a strong desire to do more and more things on her own.

None of that has to do with ear piercing; it would have happened whether there were holes in her ears or not. And I’m glad that it has happened. I’m glad that she’s looking for ways to become independent, that she is being social and that she wants to take care of herself. These are starting points for her to become the woman that she needs to be (a long, long time from now).

My middle daughter looks up to her older sister, as many younger siblings do. She’s waited years for the day that she could get her ears pierced. She’s tried clip-on earrings and sticker earrings, but they just weren’t the same. She’s waited for the day that she could ride her bike around the block with her older sister, and she waited to get her American Girl doll. I’m sure that there will be many more things that will come before her that she will have to wait for.

In the weeks coming up to her birthday, she was so excited, she could hardly contain herself. She had watched her sister go through getting hers pierce, so she’s known that those holes will require attention and care, that she’ll have to make choices and have consequences. I think that while she may not come out and say it, she knows she’s turned that corner. She knows that she’s not a baby anymore, and that she’ll have new responsibilities and freedoms.

Knowing what I know now, I got a little emotional the night before her birthday. I looked at her with my nose on hers and said goodbye to my six-year-old daughter. I will miss her. I will miss her little hands and her big eyes. I will miss her not wanting me to brush her hair and to pick out her clothes for her. While the kids can’t wait to get to that next age in their lives, the parent knows that as their ages turn, they can never get the last one back. I will never have that six-year-old again. She was the most imaginative person I’ve ever met. But I know that in many ways, my seven-year-old will carry on her legacy and become all the better.