Establishing Priorities

Published Mahomet Citizen
May 4, 2010

Growing up in Indiana before the state’s one-class system became a five-class system, basketball was more than a sport. In Indiana, it seemed that basketball was a way of life. I don’t know that it was actually every kid’s dream to play high school basketball, but there definitely was a rich basketball history that came with just being a Hoosier.

Basketball was the game that I loved. I wanted to be around the game so much that my eighth-grade year, I not only played on the girls’ basketball team, I decided to volunteer as the boys’ basketball manager. Our science teacher, a 5-foot-8 bald man who demanded attention to detail in the classroom and on the court, coached both teams.

He didn’t mess around with try-outs. He had a point system that measured our ability to run, jump, shoot, dribble and pass. Everyone knew that his practices were exhausting, but everyone who tried out wanted to be a part of the team.

The great thing about growing up in an environment like this was that we knew that even before we were a part of the team, we had a responsibility to the team. Basketball wasn’t just an in-season sport. We spent the off-season working on our shooting percentage, playing in the heat and snow, making sure that we kept up on our game.

We sweated discipline, work ethic, teamwork and goal setting. We genuinely loved the game.

I can’t remember if the boys had done something in school that had gotten them in trouble or if they were practicing baseball during basketball season, but one day, he sat all 15 of them—both the “A” and “B” team—down on the bleachers to explain what their responsibilities were. He told them that their priorities should fall in this order: 1) God, 2) family, 3) school, 4) basketball.

He may have been a man that demanded the best of our abilities, but he also didn’t have expectations that were unreal. He had priorities.

I hadn’t paid much attention to that talk until a week ago, when I organized our May calendar.

My kids are too young to be a part of a school athletic team, but my daughters look forward to going to dance class each week, and my son loves the sports he is old enough to play. We try to teach them that when they start something, they need to finish. And when they are part of a team, people are counting on them to be there.

My daughters do have a responsibility to the dance studio; to their instructors, who are trying to teach the girls the fundamentals; and to the other girls who are depending on them to fill their spot in the recital dance. It turns out that one of these important final practices before their recital falls on the same day that their brother graduates from preschool.

It’s preschool graduation and dance, right? It’s not that big of a deal.

I imagined telling my little guy that his sisters wouldn’t be there for a day that is really important to him right now. A program that he sat through for them. And while I was torn between what to do, those words of my eighth-grade basketball coached flashed through my head like I was still standing there listening to him.

Priorities. Would the kids say that my priorities are work? Friends? Marriage? Time? Money? Siblings? God? School? Family? Activities? Image?

While my coach’s reference to God may have involved church, he didn’t have to make that distinction because twenty years ago, there were no practices on Wednesday nights or tournaments that started in the early hours on Sunday mornings. I believe schools still hold these policies, but today’s children are involved in more than school athletics, at a younger age.

Not only are the boundaries between activities and worship time fading, but in the chaos of overscheduled kids, there is little time for family. And kids are scrunching in their studies, or not realizing what a joy it is just to have a childhood.

With all this thought, I decided to make a decision and stand on some priorities. The night of his preschool graduation, the girls will miss dance practice. And I know that it may not seem like a big deal, but I feel like I’m setting up our priorities for the future.

I don’t believe that they have to be there for everything they do individually. But I do believe that with everything else that is going to happen in their lives, they are going to need to support each other in their proud and hard moments.

I don’t think that we have to eat dinner together every night, but I think family time needs to be a priority. I don’t think that they’ll flunk classes if they do their assignments in the evening hours, but education needs to be a priority. And I don’t think that making God a priority means just going to church, but making sure that we continue to take in His word and live in the ways He taught us to.

My priorities are different from my children’s priorities. The things that I want to teach my children may be different from the things you want to teach yours. But in a world where our kids are so inundated with scattered schedules, I think it is important to set up boundaries for whatever your family’s priorities are.

The lessons I learned on the basketball court have always been brilliant, but this lesson I took in as a manager may end up being life-changing.